You Might Be A Yuppie Biker If…


You Might Be A Yuppie Biker If…

You drink cappuccino instead of beer.

You can’t figure out why the battery on your new bike won’t stay charged.

Your trailer has more miles on it than your bike.

Your leathers still have creases.

You don’t ride your bike to work because it scuffs your penny loafers.

You move your bike and the grass is brown under the wheels.

Your tattoos wash off.

You have doubled the weight of your bike with bolt on chrome.

You have never kick started a bike before.

You buy bikes as investments.

You refer to your bike as your “toy”.

You wear a full face helmet.

You wear a helmet.

You wear earplugs.

You really believe that there are bikes that come customized from the factory.

You went to the Harley dealer and you came home with golfballs and a toilet seat.

Your Harley shirt has a collar.

If it’s not fun to ride unless someone sees you.

You don’t ride in the rain.

You can’t find your oil filter.

You think any motorcycle is too loud.

Your ponytail comes off with your cap.

You leave your garage door open just so people can see your bike.

You need a biker lingo book.

You’re a HOG member and think your an outlaw.

You think a wrench is a bitchy woman.

You started calling everyone “bro” after you bought your bike.

You stop 30 miles from Sturgis to unload your bike so you can ride in.

You think the models in the catalogs are what bikers are suppose to look like.

You worry about what bikers are suppose to look like.

You read GQ.

If other people you consider bikers scare you.

You paint your office nick-name (like EasyRider or Bad-Ass) on your Bell open face helmet. 

You know you’re a yuppie biker if you paid for your new FXSTC in 24 months or less.

You know you’re a yuppie biker if you complained about the “smell and fumes” near the back of your last group ride.

You know you’re a yuppie biker if you won’t ride unless it’s a group ride.

You know you’re a yuppie biker if everyone on your last group ride works at your law firm, or plays golf with you.

You know you’re a yuppie biker if you’ve ever said “Isn’t it too cold/wet/hot/dry/dark to ride?”


You carry a camera instead of a knife.

If your saddlebags have a special pocket for your cell phone.

You read this page and say “hey I do that”!

Your only scoot has been a Knucklehead and you don’t even know what that is.

You put newspaper under your scoot to catch the drippings.

Other bikers at the bar say, “who’s that?”

Bikers check out your scoot and say “man that boys got way too much money!”

If your jeans have a crease.

If your jeans are clean, in fact, if any spot on you is clean.

You take your scoot in for an oil change.

You think fringe is mandatory on your leathers.

You try to look like a biker.

You try to act like a biker.

You’ve ever stopped at a red light and forgot to put a foot down.

You run into the bros and they say “hey let’s go here” and you have to call home to check first.

You belly up to the bar and ask for a Heineken.

The only time you’ve thrown up is when you’ve had the flu or just had too many veggie fajitas.

You’ve never been in a fight with more than one of anything.

You think brown sugar is something that goes into Mom’s cookies.

Your leathers shine.

Your boots cost more than you spend on gas in two months.

You think a chain is sumpin you wear around your neck.

You think a missing link is a human race thing.

You think a wristpin is sumpin you wear on your wrist.

If bikers give you a nickname something like PUD and u think its cool.

If you read this page and get pissed!!!

The two most important items in your toolkit are gojo and a manicure kit.

You think that’s actually a *suntan* that makes real bikers so dark-skinned.

When your scoot doesn’t start, your first thought is “how do I get it to a shop?”

You ride a Harley and drive a toyota, bmw, lexus, etc, ad nauseum…

You might be a yuppie biker if you’re reading this page and taking notes on how to be more like a real biker.

We hope you got a good laugh. Remember, it’s all in good fun. Ride on!

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